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If you grew up in the Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York area during the mid 80’s to early 90’s there was a magical place called Action Park full of all kinds of adventure that even I, at the tender ages of 10 to 15, already understood to be highly dubious.

The place was great! They had tanks you could ride in that shot tennis balls, and for a measely quarter you too, could shoot at the tanks from the sidelines. You could also shoot anybody unwise enough to be in the kill zone without a tank wrapped about their bodies. They had bumper boats in a water snake infested pond, go karts, and for those of us 16 years old there were mini Indy 500 cars. And that’s just the dangers on the “Motor World” side of the park.

The water park featured a wave pool that nearly killed me once, and I’ve been a strong swimmer since the age of five. There was the “Tarzan Swing”, a rope trapeze you could use to hurl yourself into a pool of ice cold spring water so frigid that one patron went into cardiac arrest and died upon splashdown. Others were lucky enough to just forget how to swim.

The water slides seemed not to be designed to thrill riders, but rather to test the limits of the human body. One of the nasties shot you into underground pitch blackness, made an abrupt 90 degree turn slamming your body into an opposing wall and then ejected you into empty air some 12 feet above the landing pool. Luckily I avoided that ride. One of my friends went on that ride and said it was the worst experience of his life.

Then there was this ride, and it is absolutely, 100 percent real.

Click to see the whole terrifying water slide

I mean, come on! How does that seem like a good idea?

Did I mention that they also brewed their own beer, and had dispensaries all over the place? Is it any wonder that the local hospitals called it “Accident Park” and “Traction Park”?

I’m publishing this article now, but will be expanding on it greatly.

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